“How old were you when you decided to shortcut the process?”
The question hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes went wide and all I could say was “Oof.” I was silent, and my mentor (we’ll call him Jay) was silent too.
“Shortcuts?” I thought to myself. “Is that what I’ve been doing this whole time?”
I did a quick inventory of my life and thought about the time I got to skip a math level in grade two. I thought about the “gifted kid” assessment in grade nine. I thought about my dual enrollment trades program in grade 12. I thought about my firefighting training program in Texas.
Jay was right. I had been taking shortcuts—taking the easiest and most direct route to finish a task since I was at least eight years old, probably younger. I thought I was being smart, but for nearly 20 years, I had been trying to enjoy all the joys and successes of life without being willing to do the full workload.
Why I needed a mentor
For the last 5 years or so, I have been trying to achieve my dream of becoming a career firefighter. Inspired by my dad, I started volunteering at my local fire department when I was 16 years old. All my education and career moves have been focused on this goal, and I felt I had a pretty strong resume. But every time I would go through a hiring competition, I would get cut part way through, though nobody could really give me solid feedback on why I wasn’t making it.
And so now, I found myself frustrated, as I tried and tried to get hired into my dream job, but always seemed to just miss the mark—and I could not figure out why until Jay dropped it in my lap. I had been trying to take shortcuts instead of putting in the necessary blood and sweat required to succeed. It was one of those intangible things that somehow shines through in a person. There was no “secret sauce” I was missing, just the willingness to do hard work.
Once I made this mental shift, my whole outlook on achieving my goal improved. I went from thinking “I am ready for this job” to “when I’m ready, the job will come for me.” And that is the mindset I will continue to hold and develop, even after I achieve my goal one day.
This breakthrough came fairly early in my mentoring journey, as I had asked Jay to be my mentor only a few months prior during a retreat we were on together in the Okanagan. I had looked up to him for a long time - for his artistic ability, his wisdom, and his incredibly authentic way of sharing his relationship with the Father.
I wish I had started this process years ago - being connected with the mentors I have now would have saved me so much stress. I didn’t ask him to be my mentor out of sheer admiration or pride; I needed someone to shake me up and call me out for the problems within me that my friends or family were too close to see. Being mentored by Jay and several other people in my life has helped me in my career, my prayer life, in fatherhood - the list goes on.
Don’t wait until you're in a jam - If finding a mentor has been on your mind, don’t wait a moment longer! (More on how to do this below.)
Why Mentorship?
You aren’t expected or made to figure life out all by yourself. In order to become our true selves, we need help and guidance from people who are also on the journey to heaven. Our true self is how we act, think and feel when we are rooted in a secure relationship with God the Father. Having someone in your life who can help you discover the unique way that you relate to the Father, to Jesus, is an invaluable gift. The Father wants to have a unique and personal relationship with you; He wants to give you good gifts, and show up in your life in ways He won’t do for anyone else. Jesus is the ultimate mentor for us to draw from, and a mentor can help you unlock that relationship and take those steps toward who you really want to be.
For me, having a mentor is like having a time machine. I get to have personal, one-on-one conversations with people I would consider a future version of myself! All of their wisdom and life experience is available for me to lean on and learn from as I grow and make decisions. I remember my parents being very aware of who my role models were growing up, and they made sure I was a good role model for my younger brothers and friends. Mentorship is just the same; it is the art of seeking out and connecting with a strong role model who you can relate to, and being able to “walk a mile” with them.
For hundreds of years, people working in the trades would be “mentored” by a journeyman while learning the trade as an apprentice (a practice that still continues today). They work side by side, learning and watching how to become a master of the trade. And after a few years, they can become a journeyman themselves, and the cycle repeats when they take on an apprentice of their own.
But even before apprenticeships was the path of discipleship. This is what Jesus did with his Apostles, what Samuel undertook with Eli in the Old Testament, and what many others have lived as well. Discipleship is the ultimate form of mentorship because you are living your life completely intertwined with your teacher. You spend every day together, living under the same roof and learning not just how to do a task, but how to become the very person you are learning from. This was a tremendous honour to be asked to be a disciple, and we see the Apostles walk away from everything else in their life when Jesus calls them to this experience. (Matthew 4:18-22). This is what Jesus calls us to as well because He is the ultimate mentor for us to draw from.
Mentoring relationships can be formal or informal, depending on the situation. Sometimes they're set up by an organization or school, but they can also be established through personal connections (which is what I want to focus on here). The most important thing is that there's mutual trust and respect between the mentor and mentee. A good mentor is someone who is humble and respectful of you and doesn’t expect anything in return for sharing their time with you. They are someone who has been around the block a few times and is willing to share their wisdom with someone who's less experienced.
When you have a mentor, you have someone who can help you develop new skills, expand your network, and gain valuable insight into your own strengths and weaknesses. It's like having a secret weapon in your back pocket. Plus, the mentor-mentee relationship can be a great source of motivation and inspiration.
Mentorship is different from having a spiritual director, an accountability partner, or even a journeyman to learn from. It’s not about having a spiritual guru to interpret your dreams or give you inspiring quotes. It’s about having someone to accompany you on your unique journey to the fullness of life, in whatever area you are trying to develop yourself.
What does it look like once I have a mentor?
When you start your relationship with your new mentor, it’s important to lay out expectations to ensure everyone is on the same page. When you initially approach your new mentor, explain to them your situation and goals, and why you admire them and desire to learn from them. If you aren’t sure of your goal, that’s OK - you can work on that together! From there, establish how often you want to meet and for how long, as well as where you will meet. In my situation with Jay, I book a one-hour time slot on his calendar about once a month. We live several hours apart, so we have a phone call that I initiate when the meeting time starts. From there we discuss any big life events or issues I have been having and then discuss how my prayer life has been. Our time is limited, so it’s important that I bring vulnerability and honesty to the conversation, and Jay helps me to reflect by asking questions, pushing into details, or drawing connections to other parts of my life. Your relationship with your mentor can (and should) look different than this, but hopefully, it helps paint a picture of how it could look.
If you feel like you’re ready to take the next step into becoming your true self, I encourage you to make a list of people who could be a good fit for you, and consider reaching out to them. Don’t put it off with overthinking; discernment is an action word! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Who knows? Maybe one day there will be a young craftsman out there who asks to be your apprentice - and you can continue passing on the gift of mentorship.
