My mother, a dietician, once gave a demonstration to my Grade 4 class on healthy eating. At one point in her interactive talk she held up two cereal bowls, one filled with a normal portion of Honey-Nut Cheerios, and the other with a considerable amount of white sugar.
“This is how many grams of sugar are in a bowl of morning cereal,” she stated, holding both bowls out for us all to see.
I didn’t believe it: was there really that much sugar in my own bowl of cereal each morning? I knew that Honey-Nuts obviously contained sugar—they are honey nut cheerios, after all—however my mother's claim seemed exaggerated. Given the growing murmurs among my fellow classmates, I was not alone in my doubt, and we sceptics soon demanded my mom provide concrete evidence to back up her claim.
Even though I, more than any of my classmates, knew, loved, and trusted my mother, I had some serious doubts about her claim and wanted to see the proof. Were these not the same Honey-Nut cheerios from our own pantry? My mother, envisioning the disbelief, had come prepared with measuring spoons so we could compare for ourselves the cereal box’s nutritional fact sheet against what was before us. The amounts were identical, my mother had not been bluffing, and we were all astounded into silent agreement.
Needless to say, when my mom repeated the activity with a can of pop, no one in that class doubted her claims any longer. We were convinced believers.
It's easy to move from doubt to belief when it comes to simple scientific experiments and mathematical demonstrations. Once we see it, we believe it.
It's not as easy, however, to move from doubt to belief when it comes to questions about God or our Catholic faith, where suddenly we're walking "with faith, instead of a clear view, to guide our steps" (2 Cor 5:7; trans. Knox). Doubts often arise which don't have some simple answer: Is God actually Good if I see so much evil? How is God interested in my welfare if I'm suffering so much? Can what the Church teaches actually be right and true when it's so plainly at odds with what our society believes?
With such profound questions as these, we are no longer one little experiment away from easy belief, because doubts about the faith can run very deep in our hearts, often surviving within us for days, months, or even years before they are resolved—if at all. Unsurprisingly, the doubts we harbour about our faith often give way to a profound sense of shame and embarrassment, or at worst, an infallible sign we have failed in the Christian life. Surely no true believer in Christ ever had doubts...right?
When the Resurrected Christ first appeared to his huddled and fearful apostles on the evening of that first Easter, we hear of how one apostle, Thomas, was not present. When the other disciples tell him of the unbelievable fact of their Lord's resurrection, Thomas famously declares "Until I have seen the mark of the nails on his hands, [and] put my finger into the mark of the nails, and put my hand into his side, you will never make me believe." (John 20:25) With that memorable statement, the apostle Thomas sealed his nickname as 'the Doubter', becoming the folk hero of skeptics everywhere.
'Doubting Thomas' though he may have been, his frank admission is but the start of an amazing journey into faith: one week later, the apostles are gathered together—Thomas with them this time—when the Resurrected Lord again appears in their midst. The same Jesus who had once promised that everyone 'who seeks will find' (Matt 7:8) makes good on that promise, appearing solely for the sake of helping the faith of one of His own beloved apostles.
The exchange that follows is exquisitely captured in the Italian baroque painter Caravaggio's The Incredulity of St. Thomas (c. 1602). Known for his dramatic use of light and shadow, Caravaggio's work depicts the moment at which the apostle Thomas responds to the Lord's invitation to "put [your finger] into my side [and] cease your doubting and believe" (Jn 20:27). The bewildered apostle dominates the centre of the painting as he leans in close to Christ's chest, his finger practically poking the Lord's side. The fixed gaze and furrowed expressions of curiosity upon Thomas and the other apostles contrasts with the serene, youthful face of Christ. Most notable, however, is the hand that rests on Thomas': whose hand is it? Caravaggio has painted this guiding hand in such a way that it can appear as Christ's own hand, leading Thomas' finger into His own side, or otherwise the hand of a nearby apostle, urging Thomas forward that he may 'see and believe'. Upon Thomas' lips his beautiful acclamation of faith, "My Lord and my God!" (Jn 20:28) is about to burst forth.
Whatever the interpretation one takes, Caravaggio's Incredulity of Saint Thomas reveals to us the same profound reality: doubt is often an invitation to dive deeper into our faith, 'Doubting Thomas' became the great St. Thomas the Apostle: evangelist as far as India, and martyr for love of his Lord.
The man who once doubted, saying "You will never make me believe", became a living portrait of the Lord's own promise to all who doubt, that "everyone...who seeks will find" (Matt 7:8).
And Thomas was not the first nor the last to let doubt be an invitation deeper into faith: many of the greatest saints encountered profound doubts in their life with Christ; sometimes at the beginning (St. Paul), the middle (St. Teresa of Calcutta), or the end (St. Therese of Lisieux), to name a few. In the moments of doubt, these saints saw the hidden invitation to enter deeper into a relationship with Christ and His Church. Is the Lord extending his hand out to you, to invite you to feel the wounds and believe?
If you are having those questions or know someone who is, I want to invite you not to do it alone. It can be a tricky path to navigate. Join us at our next Alpha where you can talk about the big questions of faith and life with others. You can also go deeper at one of our Discovery series or reach out to your local pastor.
Are you looking to get connected with someone? We hope you’ll connect with one of our Discovery groups, starting this summer.
